This is a Title of a Post I'm Writing

What's up, all you internet revelers? After a nice, seven month cold shoulder to this dumb blog that I hate and love, I decided to come back and bother my Facebook friends with NSFW posts once again! I was rereading old posts (including the drafts that you can't see), and I decided that I am funny enough to be on the internet after all.

Me irl

As all of us are here on the web, I am an avid opinion-maker. You may note that when you read past posts such as "Marriage is Gay" and "College is Gay." Okay, that's not what I called them originally, but that is the general gist of things.

Something I've noticed about bothering liberals and conservatives via Facebook is that I don't look the part of the 'troll' many of you have come to love. Or hate, whatever. I like trolls, honestly. If done right, the troll approach is the funniest way to approach people who don't have the same opinions as you. And since I don't look like a troll, people treat me differently. When I tell some dude that calls me 'cute, but I like women, not girls' to reconsider and 'one day fuck my ass.' he becomes very confused.

He was arguing with me about liberals or something (like I care, right? Pssht) and very obviously didn't like my opinions, but as soon as I got bored and started saying witty things like the aforementioned quote, he added me as a friend. I laughed really hard and clicked 'ignore.' Dude, you don't even know how truly awful I am as a person.

I didn't screenshot like a smart troll, but I did save the transcript. It's unreadable, but someday I'll fix it up nice for you hungry readers, and you'll have a good laugh at the expense of some well-meaning conservatives who didn't know what hit them.

Here's a little preview for you curious cats. I took off the last names of everybody except for myself, so if I make you angry at any point, you can find me on Facebook and tell me that I am the worst of the worst.

TRANSCRIPT

Emerson: I don't deserve the time of day? Christ, my modeling contract tells me otherwise, I'm sure you wouldn't take your eyes off me irl. Yeah, I started out in a community college cause I was a fuck up in high school(and still graduated with straight Bs). Now you resort to and ad hominem fallacy and are still wrong!!

Brandon: free 2 Girls 1 Cup Guy

Alexis Esteb: WHAT ABOUT NORWEIGIA????!

Jen: Insults, Alexis? *tut* I'm so disappointed. You were off to a good start.
NOW do you see where cartoons like this come from?
How old ARE you???

Alexis Esteb: No dude, I mean me.

David: free Mr Hands

Emerson: If you named one I'd say "wow maybe the whole right wing ideology isn't so bad". I promise. I would. Too bad they don't exist.

Alexis Esteb: AD HOMINEM FALLACY! MAGNA CARTA!

Alexis Esteb: TUT TUT! I AM THREE YEARS OLD

Nick: I love the internet.

Alexis Esteb: Too bad, huh. The ideology of [party] is stupid and I hate it. I am the most important of all the importants.

David: lol "my modeling contract"

Emerson: Hell your kind of cute, I'd give you the time of day if you'd read a goddamn book and work on your comprehension skills. I like women not little girls.

So, there's a snippet of my encounter with Emerson and some lady named Jen. BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE! No, really, you'll have to wait. I'll get it up soon, though.

Oh, darn. I almost forgot that I have a wedding to attend today. Did you guys know that I don't like weddings? Eh, probably not. I don't just go telling everybody that.

In conclusion, I am back for a while. Here's a picture of two grasshoppers having public sex. Have a nice day!

Skipping Rungs on the Corporate Ladder

Spam bots, did you think I left you forever? Nope! Just lazy. Really lazy. I leave coffee mugs in the bathroom sometimes, and that's where they stay for about two weeks until I get so disgusted with myself that I have to go clean something. So, of course I'm going to tell you about my problems with jobs and corporate ladders and whatnot, but I'm also going to show you a day in the life of this sad sack.

Today, I'm going to be waiting for a phone call. Hell, it might not even come, but I was made aware that if they were to call, it would be this Friday. I interviewed for a temporary job this Monday, and all went really well. I got all 'very good' check marks in the far left column. But there were no openings that day. She said that I should wait until Friday, so I did. It's the day that's that day, and now I have to lay in anguish waiting for something that might not even happen.

I'll be drinking a fuck-ton of coffee, being inexplicably cold, and doing more west coast apartment-searching to keep me from blowing up something to pass the time.

Oh! And here's a side note. Last weekend, I went to a comedy club with free tickets, hoping at least for someone to bomb (uh-oh, looks like some government officials will be reading this for content!), but no, they weren't bad. They told jokes about their wives and how they couldn't get any ass before that, and they went mainstream, and I drank some MGDs. Fucking two-drink minimum. Beer was cheaper than bottled water.

Maybe more about that later.

Have you ever gotten a job that you weren't really qualified for? I definitely haven't. I read all these stories about people who absently apply for something far above their heads and end up walking out with a $17/hr job with fucking benefits. I search for months and still have to jump through hoops to get a seasonal stocking job at Burlington Coat Factory.

When I lived briefly in Arkansas, I couldn't find work. None. Not even a night job at the Kum-n-Go gas station. Granted, they wanted me to fill out an IQ test that would've taken 35-45 minutes that I didn't do, but come on, Arkansas. I'm not a bad character. I could stand at a cash register for a few hours. I have, actually.


Am I a terrible person for not wanting a job? Can't I somehow skip that part and just get the money? Is it wrong to grow up and get older and realize that you don't want a career or a husband or a pair of kids that eat at your savings only to grow up and call you a bitch for wanting them to be cool for once? Well, that's what I want. I know my parents aren't happy that I quit college and don't want to make babies, but tough shit.

I spend most of my time sitting at home in my room by myself in the dark, trying to figure out how I can make money without really doing anything, and so far, I have figured out things I want to do after we move to the coast. What can I do in suburban Indianapolis besides wait until I can leave? This place sucks. Waiting for this call also sucks. I'm going to wrap this up before I start depressing anyone. Later, internet folk!