Lately, I've missed a lot of the news, so any time I get the chance to read it, I do. What's in the news today? Here in Indy, it's the snow. Joyous Christmas-lovers are bragging to their Southern family members that this year surely will be a White Christmas, and I just don't give a fuck. Maybe it's that good old Indiana blood apathetically sloshing through my veins, but I could not care less about Christmas. I'm not religious (again, I just don't care), and I'm not a 'family' person. If you are a part of my family, don't take this the wrong way. It simply means that, if I don't like you as a person, I won't consider keeping in touch. Just because we have the same blood, it doesn't mean that we should be fucking best friends.
But back to apathy. If you have ever been to Indiana, you might notice that one of our trademark auras is that of indifference. Our flag should just be a guy shrugging his shoulders.
Stylish.
Now, if you have not been to Indiana, good. Don't come. It's mediocre at best, and at worst, a redneck-infested swamp clouded by truck exhaust and shootings like clockwork. Yeah, the hipsters are here now, but even they are an off-breed of their Hoosier parents. "Wanna have kids?" "Yeah, I guess." Then they fuck and watch television at the same time.
By no means is Indiana the worst state, however. Once, during a heat wave, I was in Alabama at a WalMart (oh, the choices I make), when, over the intercom, a voice loudly proclaimed, "Attention, guests! Someone left their Bible in a fitting room and now it's gone. If you've seen it, please bring it to the front." With that lovely Southern accent. Honestly, it was almost cute, except that it was hot as balls, and the van was in mid-breakdown from evaporated antifreeze, and we were in a hurry. So, cranky as I was, I laughed a bit and left.
If something like that happened in Indiana, the first thing they would do is say, "Oh, fuck it." Well, maybe not word-for-word. Christians don't say bad words. They're better than me. Then, they'd go home and find the other ten Bibles they have. Even I have a Bible! Granted, we only kept it to tear pages out for a video we did, but still. Leviathan can be read in a million other books.
Okay, mostly I'm just rambling, as usual. So, what else is there to know about Indiana? I think they finally got over Peyton Manning leaving. They got some other guy named Lucky or something. He does fine, I suppose. I'm not a football supporter. Anyway, every time I've seen Peyton Manning in a photo, he's always got some dorky-ass expression on his face. He's not even playing in this picture! Why is he making that face?
Gorgeous. They plaster that all over WalMarts across the state, and eventually you just kind of get sick of the guy. Sure, he did some funny skits. Yeah, he helped win stuff. But I didn't need my taxes to be raised because some dick decided it would be in Indianapolis's best interest to build a new monstrous stadium.
Indiana used to be a forest, but since they tore through a lot of that, it's turned into something of a swamp. Mushy ground and mosquitoes everywhere. I'm allergic to mosquitoes and terrified of tornadoes. Which happen pretty frequently where I live. I can't think of a time in my life where I haven't thought, "Hey, wouldn't it be nice to take everyone I know and move us to some other state?" Yeah. That would be wonderful because nobody wants to leave! What is wrong with you people?
Like I said: it's the indifference. They don't need to leave, so why should they? Well, fine. More other better states for me. I'm glad they're staying.
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