Good Morning; Let's Fight About It

Waking up this morning was really great. I just rolled out of bed at eight o'clock, with no alarm, and no trash truck. And no noisy neighbor! But, alas, the noisy neighbors are doing their thing, just a little quieter since Brandon has been doing this experiment where every time the decibel level gets over a certain amount, he clicks on our outdoor fan. He bought this clicker remote that allows you to wirelessly turn things on. We don't even have to go outside.

The funny thing is that the lady knows she's being loud, but that she "doesn't feel that bad." Well, oh, well! The fan is so loud that it drowns out her annoying, pain-killer drawled voice (mostly), but doesn't really affect us because it's like white noise. Annoying neighbors will never go away, but at least we can train them to be a little quieter.

Pic not related, but where else can I document our Nerf guns?

Do you ever wake up angry? Like, from a dream that really got to the heart of your hatred? I personally do, all the time. I have this weird bubble of anger that sits in my stomach and pops every now and again, only to reform and pressurize right there for days, just being annoying and making me so very conscious of my hate.

I don't know what it was that sparked that hate again, but I think I was doing really well before, without it. It makes working in retail so much worse because you have to really have thick skin to work there in the first place. Yesterday, I got asked, "Do you know...well, you probably don't, as I have found that people like you don't...well, anyway, do you know if you have something to get rid of this rust on this thing here?"

To which I respond, "We have rust remover."

"Oh, nooooo, I don't want that. It's too harsh."

"Well, all things that remove rust are pretty caustic."

I really tried to help that lady, but it involved a lot more than that conversation. It just got a bit boring from there. You just get these awful rude people who refuse to accept that you might know something even when they come to you with their questions. I wonder why they even bother to ask!

Things like that bring out my hatred of people so fiercely that I have to go take a five-minute break just to collect myself enough to move on. I'm definitely not meant for retail, I think.

I'm considering moving to someplace secluded after Oregon. Maybe someplace outside of Bangor, Maine, or Mankato, Minnesota. I would like to see what it's like to be out in the country again, but without the terribly poor part. Somewhere where I can focus on my own pursuits without the constant interruptions of neighbors and the lure of close-by food and drink. I'd like to get back to being able to entertain myself through learning, not through video games and drinking. That is definitely a goal.

I saw a story on this lady who has been sailing around the world for ten years, just quietly self-sustaining and experiencing things without other people getting in the way. I imagine there's a lot less traffic on the open ocean. But endless water horizon scares the shit out of me. Well, it would if I were navigating. Get disoriented once and I'm lost forever. I'm decent at fishing, but I don't know what deep-sea fishing is like, and I think I would probably die from sunburn. But ugh, it's so alluring. To get away from energy drinks and waking up early to go to a job I don't actually need to do in order to keep the world turning.

Living and working in the world of buying unnecessary shit it so disheartening sometimes. People really care about that shit! Yet, here I sit, sipping my Rockstar, waiting to go to work and imagining life on the fringe. It's a romantic interest. I've been there before. I've lived outside of this spend culture. Living in a van and not working really helps change your perspective. But you know what it also does (especially when you traveled before you started working in the real world and having expenses)? It makes you feel like you don't belong here! And this is where money is. You still need money to function. Also, it warps your sense of what the real world is going to be like!

When we stopped driving, I thought I could drift through life with a part-time job and a dream. I didn't know I would be too exhausted to think after work, at three o'clock in the afternoon when the rest of the world is still going. I didn't expect any of it.

I need to make a game plan, because this lifestyle isn't working for me. I need to be out there, experiencing things for real instead of through a computer monitor or inside a giant building where people come to me with trivial problems, like, "ohhhh, I can't seem to find the perfect Tiffany blue for my daughter's bedroom wall. My life is soooo hard right now."

Fuck you, bitch. Fuck you and your dumb paint problems. Your life isn't that hard if that's your biggest problem. Anyway, I think it's time to make that plan. Adieu!