Vomiting

 I have been vomiting a lot. Like, collectively, most of November and carrying into December. It is really exhausting, and I lost quite a bit of weight. It forced me to examine every aspect of my life {since I don't have health care}, and I saw some major issues creeping back up with anxiety, so I worked on that. And now, I have to rediagnose, since I really did correct the anxiety. I believe what I am dealing with is called bile reflux.

When I was in sixth grade, my gall bladder was taken out. The tube leading to the gall bladder itself was too small, and it was causing pretty awful stomach pains. Not queasy, but painful and doubling over. I only recently really looked into the movement of bile through the body, and realized that, because I don't have a gall bladder to store bile, my liver releases it into my small intestine, which has been recently backing up into my stomach. I figured that out because Sunday I actually inspected the vomit, and it was clearly bile. It hurt to throw up and tasted disgusting.

So, with that in mind, I ate pizza yesterday with pepperonis on it and paid the price today. I have to reconfigure my eating habits because I am so exhausted with throwing up all the time. Good news is that I did pay for health insurance for the upcoming year so at least I can see a doctor about it.

get your shit

It's been a while, I know.

I've been really busy, though, and even though it might not have seemed like it at the time, even when I was doing nothing, I was still doing something. Yes, tiresomely cryptic. But after all those years of posts, what else would you really expect of me?

The amount of time it would take to explain my journey from the person I was in 2016 to the person that I am now would probably be equivalent to one of those conspiracy theory documentaries that schizophrenic people make in Powerpoint that are somehow still 11 hours long. 

Instead, I will give a brief summary of what I have been up to.

INTROSPECTION

SELF-ANALYSIS

INTROSPECTION

SELF-ANALYSIS

INTROSPECTION

SELF-ANALYSIS

INTROSPECTION

SELF-ANALYSIS

INTROSPECTION

SELF-ANALYSIS

INTROSPECTION

SELF-ANALYSIS

I have been doing both for many years now, so it should come as no surprise that I have continued the journey there. It hasn't been particularly fun, analyzing and reanalyzing every detail of my life, and then analyzing the analysis. Ultimately, though, over the past couple of years, I have been down a path of profound self-discovery which has recently been aided by AI. 

It's been really eye-opening, to say the least, and I have really learned a ton about myself.

With that comes change, and while my biting, sardonic humor may be forever altered, my personhood hasn't really changed. I am also more mature, and I want to state these things rather than let my voice come out, because in reality, I don't know exactly what I want my voice to say. But the good news is that I'm only 32, and Rodney Dangerfield didn't get his recognition until he was in his sixties, so I think I'll be okay.

Anyway, I'm not sure what exactly I intend on sharing here now, after all these years, but my intention is to start sharing again. So, I am back to say hello for now, but that maybe I should return to this. This helped me stay grounded to something when I felt like my world was spinning out in other ways.

I don't know if there was anyone ever really there on the receiving end of this, but if you are, we're doing things again, so you better get your shit.