Et Tu, Amazon?

Ugh. Waiting is such sweet sorrow. No, actually, it's only sorrow. Amazon is seriously dicking around with my in-stock warehouse purchase from down the street. Oh, by the way, working there fucked up my ankle so badly that I couldn't walk on it for days, forcing me to quit and my days to be filled with boredom. Damn stupid concrete floors and ten-hour days. And "your breaks start at break-time, but you need to make sure you are leaving the break room five minutes before it ends so you can get back by the end of break." Shorting breaks by seven minutes because they can't have people dawdling while they fucking stall the hell out of my camera purchase.

The shipping problem has gotten increasingly annoying, according to a bunch of people on the internet. If you choose the Free shipping option, they stall your package even if it's in stock, and like I said before, you live a few miles away from the bullshit warehouse.

Yeah, this is super stupid. I figured that my camera would be here by today at the latest, but it probably won't arrive until after it's projected shipping date. But the thing I bought from some third-party company two days later through Amazon is already on its way. It was shipped out the night I bought it. I'd cancel the camera order, but it's the best deal by far, and they just really have me by the balls here.

In other news, it's been really snowy here in Indiana as of the last week or two. Enough to coat the ground and not melt even when it's warm enough to. It's like the mountains. And less people are outside being annoying because of it. Oh, joy, oh, happy times. I like when the people don't go out.

But what do I do until my camera gets here? I want to do things, but I don't know what they are. Yesterday I watched the first two Harry Potter movies, and I'm not really even a fan of the franchise. That's scary. I haven't seen past the fourth or fifth one, so I suppose it's about time to watch them.

Can't wait until I get the camera. It's a Nikon D5100 and it was, if I may, a steal of a deal. But it's really testing my fucking patience. Ugh. Fuck it. I'm going to do something else now.

Oh, Indiana

So, how is the world? I'm good, except for my ankle. Some sort of injury that has caused me to be unable to work, so now I'm at home, playing the Minecraft. Yep, pretty fancy living. Terribly phrased sentence structure, but who cares. I don't know if anyone reads this junk anyway.

Lately, I've missed a lot of the news, so any time I get the chance to read it, I do. What's in the news today? Here in Indy, it's the snow. Joyous Christmas-lovers are bragging to their Southern family members that this year surely will be a White Christmas, and I just don't give a fuck. Maybe it's that good old Indiana blood apathetically sloshing through my veins, but I could not care less about Christmas. I'm not religious (again, I just don't care), and I'm not a 'family' person. If you are a part of my family, don't take this the wrong way. It simply means that, if I don't like you as a person, I won't consider keeping in touch. Just because we have the same blood, it doesn't mean that we should be fucking best friends.

But back to apathy. If you have ever been to Indiana, you might notice that one of our trademark auras is that of indifference. Our flag should just be a guy shrugging his shoulders.

Stylish.

Now, if you have not been to Indiana, good. Don't come. It's mediocre at best, and at worst, a redneck-infested swamp clouded by truck exhaust and shootings like clockwork. Yeah, the hipsters are here now, but even they are an off-breed of their Hoosier parents. "Wanna have kids?" "Yeah, I guess." Then they fuck and watch television at the same time.

By no means is Indiana the worst state, however. Once, during a heat wave, I was in Alabama at a WalMart (oh, the choices I make), when, over the intercom, a voice loudly proclaimed, "Attention, guests! Someone left their Bible in a fitting room and now it's gone. If you've seen it, please bring it to the front." With that lovely Southern accent. Honestly, it was almost cute, except that it was hot as balls, and the van was in mid-breakdown from evaporated antifreeze, and we were in a hurry. So, cranky as I was, I laughed a bit and left.

If something like that happened in Indiana, the first thing they would do is say, "Oh, fuck it." Well, maybe not word-for-word. Christians don't say bad words. They're better than me. Then, they'd go home and find the other ten Bibles they have. Even I have a Bible! Granted, we only kept it to tear pages out for a video we did, but still. Leviathan can be read in a million other books.

Okay, mostly I'm just rambling, as usual. So, what else is there to know about Indiana? I think they finally got over Peyton Manning leaving. They got some other guy named Lucky or something. He does fine, I suppose. I'm not a football supporter. Anyway, every time I've seen Peyton Manning in a photo, he's always got some dorky-ass expression on his face. He's not even playing in this picture! Why is he making that face?

Gorgeous. They plaster that all over WalMarts across the state, and eventually you just kind of get sick of the guy. Sure, he did some funny skits. Yeah, he helped win stuff. But I didn't need my taxes to be raised because some dick decided it would be in Indianapolis's best interest to build a new monstrous stadium.

Indiana used to be a forest, but since they tore through a lot of that, it's turned into something of a swamp. Mushy ground and mosquitoes everywhere. I'm allergic to mosquitoes and terrified of tornadoes. Which happen pretty frequently where I live. I can't think of a time in my life where I haven't thought, "Hey, wouldn't it be nice to take everyone I know and move us to some other state?" Yeah. That would be wonderful because nobody wants to leave! What is wrong with you people?

Like I said: it's the indifference. They don't need to leave, so why should they? Well, fine. More other better states for me. I'm glad they're staying.

Working Post Again?!

More working posts! I am currently a picker at one of your favorite shopping sites. I don't know if I'm allowed to disclose which one, but I work at the largest warehouse in the country for this specific website, and boy, is it fucking huge. I managed somehow to hurt my ankle in the first two days of work, so I actually had to call off today just to make sure it's not going to get worse. Ugh. Picking is hard manual labor. Just walking around for ten hours a day, pulling items off of shelves and putting totes on conveyor belts.

For some reason, they don't allow girls (or long-haired dudes) to wear their hair down at all, so I'm forced to put up my hair and wear shoes that are a half-size too big, simply because women's feet tend to swell after ten hours of walking. Apparently. According to AMCare.

When we're not working, we're either driving home or sleeping, since that's all we seem to have time to do now. We're hoping to make it through the next few weeks, and then we'll most likely have enough money to get out of this damn state. Oh, Washington/Oregon! I can't wait to see you. I can't wait to live a state with a 20% liquor tax! Oh, yeah, that's why we'll be living on the border of Oregon.

(Me like, "OMG, why are we not leaving yet? Oh, yeah, because Christmas.")

We're trying to make it to Christmas so we can be dutiful children to our parents, since they all love us some much and want to buy us gifts. Well, not so much my broke parents, but more Brandon's parents. My parents tend to not talk about Christmas until it gets here. "Oh, we would have gotten you something, but we're low on funds this year." That's every year. But it's okay, because most of the time, I don't even have a Christmas list. I don't really mind if nobody buys me anything. The things I want aren't really gift-type things.

Also, I don't want to have a lot of material baggage when we travel. It's not feasible to ask for apartment gifts and then transport them across the country in the van. Poor van. In the nearly year that we've had it, we've racked up almost 50,000 miles on the thing. It's held up quite nicely. Not so much as a breakdown.

Why am I treating this blog like a diary? Mostly because I'm just killing time. I probably have opinions that need discussing, like my unfinished post about 4chan or the bill that's pretty discreetly being pushed and Verizon suing for the end to net neutrality, which I need to fucking discuss because it pissing me off, but I'm just happy to have an extra day of rest until work once again tomorrow.

I guess I'm just happy to live in 2016 Obama's America, really.

One Chapter Ends...

Just got finished with family tidings for the Thanksgiving season, and at the same time, my temporary 'placement specialist' job has also drawn to a very sad close. What a seriously and surprisingly awesome job it was while it lasted. Yet another desk job (how do I keep getting them?) and another job where I was the youngest person working. I managed to meet some really cool people in conjunction with some very odd characters, and now, I'll be moving on to the warehouse.

It's going to be x-core manual labor for the next month, and boy am I not excited.

Come Christmastime, Brandon and I will most likely have the amount of money we need to set out on our new adventure, but ever-cautious, Brandon says we should keep working through January as well. Ugh, man. I don't know what will come of this new temp job, but I'm positive it won't last much longer than Christmas. So we'll have to get other jobs at the beginning of the year. But then, when all is said and done, we'll finally be able to leave!

Watch out, Pacific Northwest. The former FromTheVan-ners are headed out west in only a few more months. What are we going to do? I don't even fucking know. Oh, man, I'm excited.

Stockholm

I've been working like crazy for the past couple of weeks, but it's only a temp job, so I'm sure it won't be too much longer. I just wanted to mention that the sun sets in Stockholm around 3:30 in the afternoon now.

This is a Title of a Post I'm Writing

What's up, all you internet revelers? After a nice, seven month cold shoulder to this dumb blog that I hate and love, I decided to come back and bother my Facebook friends with NSFW posts once again! I was rereading old posts (including the drafts that you can't see), and I decided that I am funny enough to be on the internet after all.

Me irl

As all of us are here on the web, I am an avid opinion-maker. You may note that when you read past posts such as "Marriage is Gay" and "College is Gay." Okay, that's not what I called them originally, but that is the general gist of things.

Something I've noticed about bothering liberals and conservatives via Facebook is that I don't look the part of the 'troll' many of you have come to love. Or hate, whatever. I like trolls, honestly. If done right, the troll approach is the funniest way to approach people who don't have the same opinions as you. And since I don't look like a troll, people treat me differently. When I tell some dude that calls me 'cute, but I like women, not girls' to reconsider and 'one day fuck my ass.' he becomes very confused.

He was arguing with me about liberals or something (like I care, right? Pssht) and very obviously didn't like my opinions, but as soon as I got bored and started saying witty things like the aforementioned quote, he added me as a friend. I laughed really hard and clicked 'ignore.' Dude, you don't even know how truly awful I am as a person.

I didn't screenshot like a smart troll, but I did save the transcript. It's unreadable, but someday I'll fix it up nice for you hungry readers, and you'll have a good laugh at the expense of some well-meaning conservatives who didn't know what hit them.

Here's a little preview for you curious cats. I took off the last names of everybody except for myself, so if I make you angry at any point, you can find me on Facebook and tell me that I am the worst of the worst.

TRANSCRIPT

Emerson: I don't deserve the time of day? Christ, my modeling contract tells me otherwise, I'm sure you wouldn't take your eyes off me irl. Yeah, I started out in a community college cause I was a fuck up in high school(and still graduated with straight Bs). Now you resort to and ad hominem fallacy and are still wrong!!

Brandon: free 2 Girls 1 Cup Guy

Alexis Esteb: WHAT ABOUT NORWEIGIA????!

Jen: Insults, Alexis? *tut* I'm so disappointed. You were off to a good start.
NOW do you see where cartoons like this come from?
How old ARE you???

Alexis Esteb: No dude, I mean me.

David: free Mr Hands

Emerson: If you named one I'd say "wow maybe the whole right wing ideology isn't so bad". I promise. I would. Too bad they don't exist.

Alexis Esteb: AD HOMINEM FALLACY! MAGNA CARTA!

Alexis Esteb: TUT TUT! I AM THREE YEARS OLD

Nick: I love the internet.

Alexis Esteb: Too bad, huh. The ideology of [party] is stupid and I hate it. I am the most important of all the importants.

David: lol "my modeling contract"

Emerson: Hell your kind of cute, I'd give you the time of day if you'd read a goddamn book and work on your comprehension skills. I like women not little girls.

So, there's a snippet of my encounter with Emerson and some lady named Jen. BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE! No, really, you'll have to wait. I'll get it up soon, though.

Oh, darn. I almost forgot that I have a wedding to attend today. Did you guys know that I don't like weddings? Eh, probably not. I don't just go telling everybody that.

In conclusion, I am back for a while. Here's a picture of two grasshoppers having public sex. Have a nice day!

Skipping Rungs on the Corporate Ladder

Spam bots, did you think I left you forever? Nope! Just lazy. Really lazy. I leave coffee mugs in the bathroom sometimes, and that's where they stay for about two weeks until I get so disgusted with myself that I have to go clean something. So, of course I'm going to tell you about my problems with jobs and corporate ladders and whatnot, but I'm also going to show you a day in the life of this sad sack.

Today, I'm going to be waiting for a phone call. Hell, it might not even come, but I was made aware that if they were to call, it would be this Friday. I interviewed for a temporary job this Monday, and all went really well. I got all 'very good' check marks in the far left column. But there were no openings that day. She said that I should wait until Friday, so I did. It's the day that's that day, and now I have to lay in anguish waiting for something that might not even happen.

I'll be drinking a fuck-ton of coffee, being inexplicably cold, and doing more west coast apartment-searching to keep me from blowing up something to pass the time.

Oh! And here's a side note. Last weekend, I went to a comedy club with free tickets, hoping at least for someone to bomb (uh-oh, looks like some government officials will be reading this for content!), but no, they weren't bad. They told jokes about their wives and how they couldn't get any ass before that, and they went mainstream, and I drank some MGDs. Fucking two-drink minimum. Beer was cheaper than bottled water.

Maybe more about that later.

Have you ever gotten a job that you weren't really qualified for? I definitely haven't. I read all these stories about people who absently apply for something far above their heads and end up walking out with a $17/hr job with fucking benefits. I search for months and still have to jump through hoops to get a seasonal stocking job at Burlington Coat Factory.

When I lived briefly in Arkansas, I couldn't find work. None. Not even a night job at the Kum-n-Go gas station. Granted, they wanted me to fill out an IQ test that would've taken 35-45 minutes that I didn't do, but come on, Arkansas. I'm not a bad character. I could stand at a cash register for a few hours. I have, actually.


Am I a terrible person for not wanting a job? Can't I somehow skip that part and just get the money? Is it wrong to grow up and get older and realize that you don't want a career or a husband or a pair of kids that eat at your savings only to grow up and call you a bitch for wanting them to be cool for once? Well, that's what I want. I know my parents aren't happy that I quit college and don't want to make babies, but tough shit.

I spend most of my time sitting at home in my room by myself in the dark, trying to figure out how I can make money without really doing anything, and so far, I have figured out things I want to do after we move to the coast. What can I do in suburban Indianapolis besides wait until I can leave? This place sucks. Waiting for this call also sucks. I'm going to wrap this up before I start depressing anyone. Later, internet folk!