Your Horoscope for February 6th, 2013
Aries: People are watching you. If you want to have a good day, remember that the people watching you are inferior. Especially if they have really bushy eyebrows.
Taurus: Don't let your fear of going outside get in the way of getting your groceries today. You need those carrots for the stew, and you will not let personal problems get in the way of that.
Gemini: If you were a trapeze artist, you'd be home by now.
Cancer: To be truly human is to constantly be exploring. So eat with fervor previously unknown to humans. But don't question authority. That is for another day.
Leo: Your day depends on not running into traffic. If you can manage to avoid that silly little error, you will find yourself in a much better humor than if you had run into traffic.
Virgo: Today, blue will be your color. Wear double denim to double your flavor. The women will love it. The men will love it. You'll have to turn bisexual to handle all the love coming at you at once.
Libra: Nobody will care about you today. You'll feel lonely as a turtle baking in the sun. Lonelier than Zeus the Greek God. As lonely as two people very much in love with each other.
Scorpio: Your day will be uneventful. Your life will be uneventful. Unless you stop drinking that much.
Sagittarius: Paint your shingles today or you'll get shingles tomorrow.
Capricorn: Maybe your mother would call so much if she didn't think you weren't capable of taking care of yourself on that Burger King lifestyle.
Aquarius: Don't. You know what I'm talking about.
Pisces: Respect your country or the FBI will getting a call soon. They don't know you, but if you keep talking like that, Obama's staff will be putting up a couple of extra pictures in your name.
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