Oh, Hi

Do you like Kickstarter? Do you like laughing at hipsters? Well, I do. And I'm here to tell you all about some of the recent worst of the worst. You'll enjoy videos featuring the "Oh, hey! I didn't see you there" gag and some guy that enjoys things that you have yet to hear about. These videos and Kickstarters come direct from the recently-added page, so they're fresh enough to donate to.

I'll see you later, because I'm the hot. Cereal man.

1. Your new calendar
The HOT Cereal Man 2013

2. Your new collection
A Card Game to Beat Your Friends Senseless

3. Your new tour of a goat farm
Automated Milking System

4. Your new unique artist's calendar (another calendar, Alexis?!)
Starry Nights Calendar

5. Your new overly-glorified silicone dots
Bonus Rounds for iPhone

6. Your new hipster (I mean) hip shorts
Tomi Otee: The New Standard for Sports Chic Fashion

7. Your new Indianapolis prostitute
Help Me Live While I Write My First Novel

I had to stop searching at this point because there were more zombie-premise movie trailers than I could handle. Zombie make-up is pretty much free. How much would it really cost to go to an unnamed graveyard and film for a little while?

Okay, so I realize that I'm giving these people what they want, which is promotion, but I genuinely don't care about that, simply for the fact that the laughter they have brought me is payment enough for this silly promotion. And while these projects are awful, they might give someone the strength to do something better. The Kickstarter idea as a website is a really clever means of getting shit out there, but it tends to spawn awful things such as t-shirts with rib-cages on them that cost 22 bucks. And a pointless load of EP's and independent films that are horrifying glorified and again very pointless.

Now, I realize that there is a market for interpretive dance about things people do in the city, but I just don't get the point. To me, there should be some ultimate outcome at the end of a performance. Something other than, "Oh, yeah, people definitely do those things in the city." An ending where everyone dies or moves to the country would be interesting, I suppose, but even then, I'm not the proper market for that, so I guess I can't really judge. I don't even like when a movie suddenly turns into a musical for one scene.

Please hear me out on this one, internet, but if you are creating mash-ups of the famous painting Starry Night, calling yourself an artist, and then pasting those images into a calendar, well, I guess this is pretty self-explanatory, but you are not an artist. If you sell meme shirts that you printed yourself, you are not an artist. If you stick on some big non-candy dots to your iPhone, you are a slave to Apple and you need to see that it isn't a good thing.

And number one probably appealed to you, but it's fake. Sorry, friends, but the hot cereal men are nothing more than bored college boys who still think that calling themselves hot when they aren't so much is funny. Once again, sorry.